Getting to Yes With Yourself and Other Worthy Opponents by William Ury

One of the very first things I posted about was "Getting Past NO" by William Ury. It is an invaluable resource for anyone who needs to negotiate, or at the very least, try to understand the intentions of others.

On the flipside is "Getting To Yes With Yourself...", which teaches us how to overcome our biggest obstacle in negotiating our lives - our own natural tendency to poorly react to people and situations.

Here is my summary!

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1. Put yourself in your shoes.
   • Before negotiating with anyone else, identify your own needs. This will help you stay focused on options that work for everyone.
     Considerations:
     • See yourself from the "balcony" - Look at yourself and the situation from a distance.
     • Listen with empathy - Accept yourself as you are and try to understand any negative feelings you have about yourself.
     • Uncover your needs - We tend to know what we want, but forget why.
2. Develop your inner BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement).
   • Assign accountability where it belongs.
   • You can't always control what happens to you, but you cant control your reaction.
   • Don't look to others to give you what you need - this only gives them power and makes you dependent.
3. Reframe your picture.
   • You can either see negotiations as a battle or an opportunity to collaboratively solve a problem.
   • Remember the big picture, and make your interactions positive.
4. Stay in the zone
   • Paying heightened attention to the present makes you more likely to spot potential openings and tap into your natural creativity.
   • Staying in this "zone" optimizes performance and heightens inner satisfaction.
5. Respect them, even if they reject you.
   • Even if they don't treat you respectfully, your attempts at respect can transform a negotiation.
   • Stay cool, courteous, and patient in the face of attacks.
6. Give for mutual gain.
   • When you and your opponent seek mutual win-win solutions, you positively affect each other and the world around you. You move from "taking" to "giving" and create value for others.